Updated: Oct 31, 2020

Dear hoomans

I have noticed over the past couple of weeks you have been staying in my home for extended periods of time. It is lovely having you here but I feel I should set a few ground rules. I would appreciate it if you would follow the rules whilst you are staying with me.

1. When you do pop out you will need to take me with you.

2. You seem to be eating lots of nice goodies whilst lazing about the house. I am entitled to a share of these. I won’t make a fuss I will just sit in front of you and quietly stare at you until I get my quota.

3. Don’t call me for another bath, I am clean now. Just because you are bored doesn’t mean I need a wash or haircut. I suggest you go clean the metal box on wheels outside again. Daddy human has done that a few times now even though it hasn’t moved in weeks.

4. As you are here constantly at the moment, it is your duty to let me out as often as I require. That means that even if I have just come in and want to go out again you should let me. Sometimes I miss a spot whilst sniffing about and I need to recheck.

5. When I am asleep, leave me sleeping, this isn’t a cue for the little humans to play with me. I can also sleep where I like, I don’t expect to be woken so you can move me.

6. Do not shhhh me when I am barking. As you are here more, my job of protecting you has increased. I have to listen out for every little noise and inform you of it in case it’s a threat.

7. Don’t leave a room without me, I know how sneaky you guys can be. Just the other day I am sure I heard a crisp packet being opened upstairs and no one called me to share. So from now on I will be following you about.

8. This is a very important rule. If it lands on the floor it’s MINE, if it’s in my mouth it’s MINE.

9. You will never pee alone again, you watch me pee so I do not understand why you shut me out and close the loo door when you pee.

10. If you do not follow these rules I will use SAD PUPPY DOG EYES TO GET WHAT I WANT !

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